The Bart Simpson Credit Card Scam

I was reminded yesterday of this old telephone number I had that was frequently used by a credit card scammer on some false credit card applications. The guy was also somewhat of comedian because the names were almost as funny as the name Santos L. Halper on Bart Simpson’s card. Usually he used the same double letters in the first and last names when fabricating them. So I would get these phone calls from collections agency’s asking for Gabby Gabbard. Dude, you have got to be kidding me. You mean to tell me that Discover, CitiBank, or some other credit card company actually took this name seriously. The guy absconded with a couple of thousand dollars from each of about three different credit card companies. I estimated he got about $8000 and authorities are still probably trying to find him because they were clueless about the number not being connected to an address in (notice the double letters) Kipssissle, Mississippi.

So I got to thinking, if credit card companies really are this stupid, then why am I still slaving away at a 9 to 5 job like the rest of the working class?

The first part of the scam would be easy. I get credit card applications in the mail all the time. All I got to do is make up several fake identities with names that are at least as believable as Gabby Gabbard, and make sure they are not actual names so there’s no actual person to cause the situation to be mistaken for identity theft which would tip off the credit people. It doesn’t matter if nobody has heard of these people. There are lots of smaller credit card companies, like Discover and Citibank, which give out cards to people with no credit history all the time.

The second part of the scam would not only be a good test of the fake identity, but also a good way to build trust with the credit companies thereby building credit. After making a withdrawl from one fake persons low limit card, pay it off with another fake persons low limit card. Never using more than 10% of the limit per withdraw. Eventually cards will be maxed out and payed no more than a month apart. Once credit card companies see that the fake people not only max out the cards, but they pay them promptly, the credit people will quickly bump up the limits to about triple of the original limits. I can do this as many times as needed until I end up with a bunch of Gold Cards.

Now granted, by the time the cards were Gold level, I would have to haul some serious butt to hit enough ATM’s to get the money to keep obtaining the money to pass to each card company, but It shouldn’t be unusual to the credit companies at this point to see multiple trips to multiple ATM’s over the course of multiple days. It’s just a gradual increase each time.

I figure if I get up to about a $500,000 limit on 10 cards, then I can get about $15,000 worth of cash withdraw limit from each. That would mean I would have a maximum of $150,000 in cash and $4,850,000 of charging power at my disposal. That should be plenty to cover the expenses of anything I want. As long as everyone gets their money in a timely manner nobody will expect anything. Then I can live off the difference between one cards limit and another cards limit. If I never spent more than 10% of a cards limit per month or 5% less than standard 15% interest just to be safe, then I would never have trouble. By the time the 10 cards get up to $500,000 limit, I could spend $500,000 per month. I calculate that it would take 5 years for 2 cards alternating, so 10 cards together would work for 25 years.

I can’t live a whole life like this, but I could have a much better retirement from this than from the NOTHING that I expect to get from Social Security.

The last part of the plan is the hardest. I have to grow a sack of balls big enough to actually try this.