Thursday, August 30, 2007

An Oldie But A Goody

Here is little blast from the past for everyone to read while I continue my mental vacation for another week.



When asked what I thought about Ohio's new use of bright orange license plates issued to drivers after only one DUI, I thought...

I wonder what else we could use color coded license plates for.

Yesterday morning I was driving to work behind what appeared to be the gold Toyota Camry of a competent driver. Or at least I thought so before we got to the on ramp of the expressway. Clearly, this person did not see a single thing wrong with merging onto a 70mph expressway going less than 30mph. So there I was, dodging the high speed traffic that came up behind us, and by some miracle of God I actually made it safely to an open space in the middle lane of the 3 lane expressway. So I go back to driving along like nothing happened, but what should I see in my rear view mirror? The driver of that gold Toyota Camry is flipping me the bird! So then the guy drives around me at like 100mph and tears off down the road. Not even 2 exits away from that I see the Camry swerve back into the middle lane and an Audi that was already in that lane slams right into the passenger door of the Toyota. Why? Because the driver of the Audi didnt know that the driver of the Camry was incompetent. So, I propose that all people who are determined to be incompetent by the rest of us be required to use the special license plate design I have displayed below. I believe that if the driver of the Camry was displaying these plates, then the driver of the Audi could have avoided the accident.



Occasionally there are news stories about children being abducted after approaching the car of some sexual predator. In most cases the sexual predator is a repeat offender of this type of behavior. I truly believe that this could be avoided if known sexual predators are required to display a license plate like the one shown below.


I hate when I am sitting at a busy red light and one of the cars around me has that loud bass thing going on and I cant figure out which car it is because it's loud enough to be coming from any of them. I think people who break loud noise ordinances should be required to have the below license plate.


How about this special one for people who like to tailgate you?

Well anyways you get the picture. There are thousands of possibilities for the color coded license plates.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Blonde Jokes

I had started gathering jokes to post on my previous blog every Friday, but since I was kicked out of MSN Spaces I don’t really know what to do with these anymore. So I figure I will post them here when I can’t think of anything else to write. Here is a collection of all my blonde jokes.

What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

Run like hell ... she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking ... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away ... Florida or the moon?

"The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?"

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant.

What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs?

Some traffic signs say stop.

How does a blonde kill a fish?

She drowns it ...

How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?

Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

What's the difference between a blonde and a light bulb?

The light bulb is smarter, but the blonde is easier to turn on.

Why do blonde chicks have cum in their navels?

Because blonde guys aren't too bright either!

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?

Shine a flashlight in her ears.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Monkey See, Monkey Do

There is a news story today about a man who smuggled a monkey into the country by hiding it under his hat. Hmmm, why................
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does this........
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sound so........
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... familiar?

Friday, August 3, 2007

The 51st State?



Does anyone who reads this blog use Google Analytics for tracking their own blogs? I just noticed something funny about the US map that tracks what states readers are from. It is not only missing Michigan and several of the great lakes, but most importantly it includes a mysterious kidney shaped state in place of where Michigan should be. I am going to call this new state Andyland.

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