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Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I am going to write this post at a risk. I say that because I don’t get many comments at my blog despite the fact that there are still readers here every day. So it probably won’t help any if I write this post that makes fun of the bad comments left at other sites. Even though it might deter people from commenting, I can’t let this comedic opportunity pass.
Let’s start with a story from one of my local news outlets. To paraphrase, the police caught a sex offender who had been throwing cinder blocks at the cars of women. To which this reader had the following opinion.
They then decided to follow it up with this comment.
Is that one typographical correction the only problem they found?
And then if that weren’t enough, the same person felt it necessary to display their clear writing style in the comment for another story about 12 year old thieves.
But you have to give mantan a little credit because they just have trouble writing clearly. This next person can’t even comprehend the story they just read which is about a girl’s soccer coach that raped some of the players because this is their comment.
This next person may have comprehended the story about the soccer coach, but who the heck is gonna know since nobody is going to read a comment this extensive.
I mean seriously, if you were supposed to write that much then the news website would put at the end of the story “leave dissertation” instead of “leave comment”.
I think this next commenter makes a great point about the posting of a DUI checkpoint location.
I think this second person was just as drunk as the first when they wrote this comment.
And lastly there is this comment which sparked the idea for this post. I could tell you what story they are commenting on, but it wouldn’t even matter.
maybe it's a secret code. Is there anyone out there that can decode this for me?
Well anyways. At least there aren't any people this stupid commenting on my blog.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
We immediately changed our plans for that Saturday as it was now necessary for us to track down an actual teardrop and see a finished one in person. (Yes, I know it was mildly stupid to start building one without ever seeing one in person) Thus we made the last second decision to drive an hour and a half to Indianapolis.
Good Timin’ Hot Rods was relatively easy to find. We could see the last two teardrops they had for sale as we turned into the parking lot.
They are called Little Guy’s and they looked freakishly small from a distance. We climbed into one of these Little Guy campers, and were relieved to find that they are not as claustrophobic inside as one might think. In probably the same way that the Keebler Elves can fit a whole cookie factory inside the knot of a tree, the makers of the Little Guy Camper were able to use that elfin magic to fit an amazing amount of room inside this little dinky camper. It is unbelievable.
By the way kids, if you are ever in Indianapolis, you should check out Good Timin’ Hot Rods. And then go around the corner to Edwards Drive-in for the absolute best hand battered onion rings and homemade root beer.
So anyways, we got back and were so confident that a teardrop camper is the right camper for us that we finished building the undercarriage.
And then we went as far as to coat the whole thing with roofing tar to protect it from water and salt on the roads.
I was hoping to bolt the undercarriage to the trailer frame this week, but so far, the tar baby is still tacky and will have to remain hovering over the trailer atop the saw horses for another week while I am away on vacation.
Well kids, till next time. See Ya!
Friday, August 21, 2009
So I walked into Lowe’s to see what kind of lumber would be available for when we finally do have the money to buy the lumber. And here is the conversation we had.
Lowe’s Employee: “Can I help you find something?”
Me: “Yes, I need to find some hardwood plywood.”
LE: “We have this wood here in stock.”
Me: “Hmm, these aren’t the thickness I need.”
LE: “Really, why not? These sizes are the generally accepted sizes. What exactly are you building? I can tell you if these will work for your project.”
Me: “I’m building a teardrop camper.”
LE: “You’re building a what?”
Me: “A teardrop camper. You know, those little campers from the 1940’s that have like that teardrop shape to them.”
LE: (With an un-sure look on his face) “Oh…OK.”
LE: (Looking very skeptical) “So you’re building a camper…like what people take to a campground?”
Me: “Yea...a camper.”
LE: (looking at me like I am a total dumb ass) “I’ve never heard of anyone building their own camper before. Is that even possible?”
Me: “Well actually, lots of people build them.”
LE: “Is it like that e-mail picture of The Redneck Camper where it’s just an outhouse on a flat trailer.”
Me: (Not amused) “No you R-tard! It’s not an outhouse on a flat trailer.”
LE: (slightly offended, very confused) “You’re gonna build a camper?”
Me: (Embarrassed because it does sound silly the way he said it) “Why don’t I try Home Depot for what I need?”
So then I go down the street to Home Depot where I find an employee to ask about lumber.
Me: “Hello, I need to get some hardwood plywood for a project.”
Home Depot Employee: “Sure, what are you building?”
Me: (Calmly) “A large cabinet.”
Saturday, August 15, 2009
And by the way. The mounting bolt problem will be sufficiently solved with this bronze bushing.
Well that's all I got for now. Since we are about $900 in the hole for all the parts we bought, we won't be able to by the lumber for at least another month. Which of course means I won't be able to start working on it till then-DOH! Oh well, I can resume this journal then.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
For the last few months, the wife and I had been kicking around the idea of building our own teardrop camper. So, last weekend, we just decided to jump in with both feet and buy a trailer to use as the base for it.
So stick with me for the next few months and you should see our little teardrop camper slowly come to life before your blog reading eyes. Well kids, that's all I got for you now.
Monday, July 27, 2009
(I should probably preface this by informing those who live outside the Southwest Ohio/Southeast Indiana area that corn hole is a game where bags filled with corn are thrown at rectangular shaped boards with a hole in each one. And it is definitely not what many first think of when first hearing the term.)
Every year, at a place called Stricker's Grove, the world’s best corn hole players meet for the chance to play in a contest of strength, endurance, skill and even luck. At the end of the fierce competition, victory is declared for a team that walks away with the coveted title of Corn Hole Champions.
Seeing as they were the best corn hole players that they knew, Iron Chef and the man we call America, decided to pit their corn hole skills against all others. And in the end, they pretty much had their butts handed to them. In the shadow of that painful defeat, the two decided to begin the most intensive training regimen ever adopted by any corn hole team. They will eat, drink, sleep, and breath nothing but corn hole for an entire year. This blog series will be a testament to the perseverance and will of this corn hole team as we follow their progress over the coming months. Let's bid good luck to the team I will christen "American Iron".
Monday, July 20, 2009
First I wondered if it would actual say L-O-L, or if it would pronounce lol as “lull”.
This lol knowledge made me wonder exactly how far it would go in reading text acronyms so I tried out lmao.
I was a little confused that it pronounced l-m-a-o like a word instead of “laughing my ass off”. Seriously, I really wanted to hear it say “ass”. So of course the only thing I could do next is to see if it will read the typed out words “laughing my ass off”.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t giggle a little after that last one. I think I need to hear that a few more times.
Then I started wondering if like the lmao, if it had a limit to the bad words it would say as I recalled a line from one of my favorite movies.
Wow, this thing has quite the potty mouth.
Then I wondered about some other movie quotes.
I’m sure there are many more funny things I could make my phone say, but I seem to have lost interest in this.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
I was a little late getting out of work yesterday, and as I was leaving I noticed that my coworker who sits next to me had inadvertently left his computer logged in when he rushed out at the end of the day. So I sat down at his terminal and reached for the mouse that was placed on a charger at the back of his desk and then thought to myself, “You know, I could virtually be him in e-mail form.” So I decided to play a little prank and write an embarrassing e-mail about this guy, BY this guy. I started by sending an e-mail to a buddy of his in sales that he hangs out with a lot. In the e-mail, [he] expressed a secret homosexual love for the buddy in sales. It wasn’t a lengthy or graphic e-mail, but it said enough to be a good prank. I then finished it by saying, “[The guy] wants to send this e-mail to coworker friends because [the guy] no longer wants his love for his buddy to be secret.” I then decided against copying others and just logged him out and anticipated what might happen in the morning.
Not much was said today between the guy and his buddy, but the buddy did eventually bring it to the guy’s attention later in the morning. The guy later asked our IT manager if we were having hacker problems with the e-mail server. Some other people seem to know about “The E-mail”, but I am not sure if the guy told them or if the IT manager secretly passed it on to others. I guess this prank didn’t hurt anyone because it was pretty much forgotten about by the end of the day. Somehow, I imagined this being funnier than it actually was.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Like remember that time I wrote about needing help with disciplining a 2 pound puppy, so I asked the people at Yahoo! Answers? Those people were so helpful...
Or that one time when I found that picture from some photo journalist and pointed out the 5 things I found funny about it. I can just see that picture now...
Well, do you remember that time I told you all about the business meeting at work that I had to walk out of? I just couldn't contain myself...
And I know you gotta remember that time I wrote about trying to remove a "pest" problem from my back deck. I still can't believe that trap worked the first time...
Here's one I bet you forgot. That time I put my own spin on Fracas' weekly feature about food that looks pornographic. Yep, I almost forgot that one myself...
And of course who could forget that time I got dancing fever and danced all the way across Cincinnati. I can still hear the music playing...
Yep, those are some good memories. There is a large possibility I won't be writing anymore blog posts. It's kind-of this thing that all bloggers go through. They stop blogging when they run out of words. If find more words I may end up starting a new blog all together. If that's the case, then I will definitely link to it from here.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Jury Duty - Day 2
Unfortunately day 2 was less eventful than day one. All I did today was read about half of Catcher In The Rye. I would like to tell you how day 3 and 4 would go, but they have asked me not to return for the rest of the week. Apparently I didn't make the cut to be on a jury. The wosrt part is they didn't even give that Voir Dire interview thing. I guess they could just tell by looking at me that I wasn't jury material. I feel so rejected.
Hopefully week 2 will be better. I'll keep all of you posted.
Jury Duty Day 1
There was a woman who almost lost her child, a guy who had something really personal to keep from public records and many other Jury-fied things that I didn't have the privilege to weigh in on. That's right kids, the first day of jury duty was a bust. All I got to do was listen to 3 hours worth of B.S. that just happened to contain 10 minutes worth of useful information that I already knew because I had read the stuff on the Jury Commission website, and again in the literature that was sent with the summons, and then again with the brochure they gave me at check-in. Needless to say it was a long and boring day. Hopefully day 2 will have some great stuff worth writing about.
I guess there was a little more to it. I also got to sit for 3 more hours surrounded by strange people with nothing worthwile to do. I guess the only thing noteable was this one young woman who just wasn't getting the concept of "required 2 weeks" and had to ask twice if a specific day, that is only 7 days away, was still technically "required". And then worse made a face like the Judge telling her was the stupid one. I hope this dumb ass isn't on the same Jury I am.
Well, that's all I got for you today.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Now some people tell me that I probably have nothing to worry about because most people selected for this never actually have to serve on a jury, all they have to do is call in and see if their group has to report. Unfortunately, that is not the case for me. My physical presence is specifically requested at the court house at a time later than when the court house websites says that call-ins should happen. I also wasn’t given a number, so this leads me to believe that this is different and may possibly be for a special jury needed for a specific, and possibly high profile court case.
I figure since I got nothing else better to write about these days, that I will present the highlights of each day on this blog.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
As many of you may know, I have my vices. Beer, Vodka, Fried Food. And none of those has been a problem for me to give up. Heck, I once used to be a pack a day smoker, but one day I just up and stopped, and haven’t smoked since. I like to have fun, but I am no prisoner to anything.
Recently, I have discovered that there is something even tougher to give up than smoking. I am clearly addicted to it, and the path to kicking it will be an extensive one. I gotta be honest with you; I am kind of getting ‘the shakes’ just thinking about the prospect of giving it up. But, I’m OK. I can give it up any time I want. I think…maybe. Alright. I think I can. I just gotta hang in there. I can give up my DVR if I really have to.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
It became an archaelogical excavation as we happened upon this little artifact. My earliest guess would date this specimen circa 1967. Mainly because that's the year that the house built.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Notice the dangling wires and electrical work. Therein lies the cause of frustration for the rest of the week. That means we can only have one working electrical outlet during the entire project. Since the refrigerator requires one of the plugs, we are left with just one single plug for all our kitchen electrical needs. You would think one would be plenty, but it really isn't. It seems like every time I go to plug in something, it's already in use.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
For example, the American people could really have used one of these concerning the bank bailout that turned out to be more money for government leaders to piss away.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Hey Kids! Sorry I haven’t been around much. I have been totally slammed at work these days, and if that wasn’t enough, the wife and I decided to remodel our kitchen. But I’ll have more about that later. I decided to check good ‘ol Google Analytics to see how many of my readers have gotten tired of checking back for updates and have left for good. I gotta say I was pleasantly surprised to find that I still have a total of eight faithful readers. However, Google states it in a much more depressing “99.06% loss of readership” way. So anyways, while I was there I decided to check out the latest searches that have brought strangers to this blog. Again, I have some entertaining ones to share.
Palestine Retards – I don’t specifically remember referring to any Middle Eastern school of MR/DD, but apparently I must have.
Squeak Makeup – I don’t know what to say about this. Those two words don’t belong in the same term together.
Black Pusses – The sad thing is, this person was probably looking for a particular type of porn, and accidentally misspelled that second word. This of course has me wondering what it is about the name “Andy’s Weird Warped World” that can be mistaken for a black pornographic site.
Chuck Norris College – If I had the chance to go back to school. I would go here. And I don’t even care if I would fail Roundhouse Kicking 101.
Mystique Wheel Squeak – Doesn’t this person know that there’s nothing mysterious about squeaky wheels. They just need oil.
Squeal on Your Employer – Unless they are wasting company time reading my blog, then you should keep their secret.
Well, that's all I got for you now. See you around.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Now that we are passed that, I can focus on the future.
I can't wait to see the inauguration today. I won't be able to watch it in person, but I got my DVR set up and ready to go. I gotta be honest with you though, I don't give a rats butt about presidential ceremony. I just want to have an unedited account of the ceremony in the likely event that some White Supremacist tries/succeeds at assassinating him before he takes oath.
Do you know what the problem is with President Obama? There is no way anyone can live up to all the hype that's been made about him. People haven't made this big a deal about a leader for over 2000 years. I mean seriously, I actually heard the name Obama more last December than I heard the name Jesus. So basically, no matter what happens over the next four years, people are going to be let down. Then when people find out that he can't turn water into wine or rise from the dead, there will likely be some backlash. But hey, at least he ain't the retard that formerly lived in the White House.
Friday, January 16, 2009
For example, there is this one diet that requires you to consume only juice, or things liquefied in a juicer. I think I would much rather have a diet consisting of another type of liquid, but unfortunately the 100 beers in 100 days adventure has long passed.
Then there is the Atkins diet, where you cut out all carbohydrates. So basically, you can only eat meat and green vegetables which is pretty stupid because you end up being a meat eating vegetarian.
There is also this little known diet that requires you to eat nothing but apples for three days straight. Supposedly, you want to do this because it cleans out your colon. Because everyone knows that the ladies all want a man with a good colon. Frankly, I would rather save a couple of days and just eat nothing but bran one day.
Of course, the big thing in Weight Watcher’s now is this diet plan that prevents you from going through the tedious effort of counting calories, and they accomplish by having you go through the even more tedious effort of counting points. This sounds like a good idea until you find out that a “point” is determined by some bootleg calculation that says fat and calories are proportional to fiber, well at least until you reach 4 grams that is, then fiber no longer matters. So basically, it looks like they got tired of factoring it in and then said “screw the fiber” after 4 grams.
So, the wife and I decided to go with the Weight Watcher’s diet plan called Core. This sounded good to us because it advertises that you can eat as much as you want and still lose weight provided that you only eat certain foods, that you pair certain foods together, and only eat certain foods for certain meals of the day. And then if the planets align just right, some mysterious voodoo magic will make you lose weight.
Clearly, these diets are made up by people who really aren't qualified to make up diets. So, I got to thinking, "I'm not qualified, so why don't I make my own diet?" So that's just what I did. Here's how it works. All you gotta do is eat bacon, sausage, spam, country fried steak and eggs for breakfast. Then eat pizza, chicken wings, chili dogs, tacos, and hamburgers for lunch. And then a sensible dinner.
Well kids, I better get going, I gotta get started on the Weird Warped Diet Plan if I am going to fit into those Speedos this summer.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I just gotta ask the question. When did my cojones grow eyes? Was it at the same time that the Geico money grew eyeballs? I’m asking because I just heard a new radio commercial for Diet Pepsi Max where, as the tag line says, “Drink a diet cola that’s so manly you’ll still be able to look your cojones in the eyes.” More importantly, do I want to look my cojones in the eyes? And besides, I don’t think I actually could look my cojones in the eyes without having some ribs removed.