Thursday, July 31, 2008

The FMLP Movie Premier

Get some popcorn and raisinettes folks! The Dance Like Nobody's Watching movie is currently playing over at Fold My Laundry Please. You'll laugh, you'll cry, but most importantly you will see us having a hella-good time dancing like fools.

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 15

Lowenbrau (Low Brow?) Original

Today Beer Heads we sample a beer from people who have discovered how to actually brew a beer from skunk spray without even breaking the Beer Purity Law. This beer not only smelled bad, but also tasted bad with a bitterness that bites pretty hard. This beer tasted so bad that I actually had to go see what other people thought of it at The Beer Advocate. I was stunned to see that experts actually rated this a B- on their 'old school grading scale'. I was utterly befuddled by their reviews of it. Most everyone said it was good, with only a very few saying theirs tasted nasty. So then I decided to look at wikipedia to see if there was any information on the brewery that I needed to know, and the answer (that I'll assume is true)was made clear to me. Apparently the people that rated it high were drinking an Americanized version brewed at the Miller brewing company in Colorado., while the bad reviews are from the "Original" version that comes from Munich. What's funny is even through the very strong skunk smell and bitterness, Iron Chef was still able to taste something specific; Chocolate. I am going to rate this a 2.

So now wipe that grimace off of your face and get a different beer to tie one on with all of your old friends at

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 14

Ayinger Oktober Fest-marzen

I immediately knew that I would like this beer because the bottle cap featured a picture of happy people drinking it in a wondrous place where bottles of it grow on trees.

Today Beer Heads we drink the official beer of a place called Aying. Don’t let that fact fool you, we are STILL IN MUNICH. Even though we are outside city limits, we are still in a municipality. This small town barely has a population of 2000 drinking adults, and they probably all work at the brewery here. Thus the reason it’s the towns official beer.

Ayinger Oktober Fest is a rather strange beer, but strange in a good way. It has a thick consistency yet it’s not heavy. It’s got a really smooth taste and a thick head. Iron Chef said the smell reminded her of that "beer in the streets smell" that you get at Oktoberfest Zinzinnati. I liked it and will rate it a 6.5 on the beer scale.

So now go tie one on with all of your good friends at

100 Beers in 100 Days - This Space For Rent

Day 13 - Hacker Pschorr Weisse

Today Beer Heads we are still in Munich because there are a lot of breweries in Munich. So many that I might even refer to Munich as “The Beer Capital of the World.” Here we are at the Alte Hackerhaus (Old Hacker House) somewhere in the western part of the city. There is a long history about two sons, one on the Hacker side of the family, and the other on the Pschorr side that eventually merged breweries together. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to go into that, but it’s pretty interesting if you want to look into for yourself.

I wasn’t in the right frame of mind last night to evaluate this beer, but I do remember it was very good. I can’t comment on the taste either, so this would be a great beer to have all of you Beer Heads try and then tell me what to write about it, in this post. I thought about making it a contest, but that would require making a trophy which I also don’t have time for. So basically, it’s a guest post open to all the readers. I will add your thoughts to this post when I have time again to update the blog. I am thinking it’s maybe a 7 on the beer rating scale to the right. What do you think?

So now go tie one on with a bottle Hacker Pschorr and of course your good friends at

Monday, July 28, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Where There's Smoke, There's Fire

Day 12 – Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock

Hey Beer Heads! Have you ever wondered what the juices that dripped off your steak into the bottom of your grill would taste like without the distraction of having your face spontaneously combust when you put your lips to the burning charcoal briquettes to lick it off? Well wonder no more! Now there’s Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock. The meaty smoke flavored beer that everyone’s talking about. But don’t take this TV announcers word for it, just listen to these overtly genuine testimonials.

Arpeggio Andy – [after induced gag reflex] “It’s what I would imagine that liquid smoke stuff would taste like if someone dared me to chug a whole bottle of it.”

Iron Chef – [after wincing violently] “Was this aged in a cask? Someone should tell these brewers that you’re not supposed to set the cask on fire.”

To be completely fair, we tried this beer later in the evening way too long after dinner so I think it was way too heavy and way to smokey to drink it by itself. I can’t say it tasted bad. I can however say that it has as great of a taste and drinkability as Heinz ketchup. It may possibly be a 10 if imbibed with the right food, but by itself I have to rate the Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier Urbock a 2.

So now go buy a bottle while supplies last at

Sunday, July 27, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 11

Hofbrau Dunkel (draft, not bottle)

Today Beer Heads we are across town in Munich to try ‘The Original Beer of Kings’. That’s not to be confused with ‘The Original King of Beers’. Hoffbrau Beer is finely crafted in a brewery located in Platzl Square. The brewery was moved here in 1607 by The Duke of Bavaria, Maximilian I from nearby Alte Hof Palace.

Hofbrau Dunkel is a great dark beer with lots of flavor. So much flavor that I was a little overwhelmed. Iron Chef said the taste reminded her of the roasted almonds you get at Oktoberfest, and then jumped up on a table here at the Hofbrau Haus and yelled; "This is the BEST BEER EVER!" I on the other could only really make out the caramel flavor, but I think that’s just the power of suggestion from the description of the beer on the Hofbrau Haus menu. Hofbrau Dunkel is very drinkable despite being a heavier dark beer. Since Iron Chef peed a little, and was on the verge of an orgasm, I will rate this beer a 9.5 on her behalf.

So now go tie one on with your good friends at

Saturday, July 26, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 10

Day 10 - Franziskaner Weissbier (Wheat Beer)

I have now lead you all to the Bavarian city of Munich in the southern part of Germany. Oh my, I can hear the singing of angels all around us. It’s glorious! See Beer Heads, I told you this place was a holy promised land! Oh wait, never mind. That’s just the chants coming from the Franciscan monastery across the street. Which is not surprising since the name Franziskaner is derived from the Franciscan’s and the name Munich is derived from the German word for monk.

Franziskaner Weissbier is a great beer. There is no bitterness or bad aftertaste at all. It has just enough of a grain flavor to be a good beer. I would swear there is a hint of some citrus fruit, and Iron Chef says she found the coriander that went totally AWOL from that Hoegaarden beer. I will rate this beer an 8.

So now go tie one on with all of your good friends at

Friday, July 25, 2008

The Beer Odyssey - Day 9

Carlsberg Elephant

Our next destination on the Beer Odyssey is the happiest place on earth (and most livable) as ranked by several different global surveys. That city Beer Heads is the capital of Denmark, Copenhagen. A place known for it’s breakfast pastries (I could go for a Danish right about now), but definitely not it’s beer.

A monumental thing happened Beer Heads that I have absolutely no explanation for. Maybe the planets aligned, or maybe Hell froze over. I just don’t know. All I know is that I actually met a beer that I didn’t like. Carlsberg Elephant may possibly be named after the animal that discharged this vile liquid. It had more bitterness and bite than any beer a brewery should try to sell. The whole skunkyness of this beer overwhelmed the palette. Iron Chef said there was a strong musty taste with a hint of wet dog in the aroma. I am sure if I had more knowledge of beer evaluating terminology I could say more, but I don't so all I can say is it was just nasty. We will have to rate Carlsberg Elephant a 1 as Iron Chef did literally flush it down the toilet.

Let me apology to all of you Beer Heads for dragging you into and out of the country of Denmark today just to try some Carlsberg. I will totally make it up to you tomorrow by leading you into the Promised Land. Germany that is, not Israel, they don’t brew beer in Israel.

So now eat something spicy to get that awful taste out of your mouth and then go warn all your old friends about that beer at

Thursday, July 24, 2008

I Hope I die before I get old

OOPS, too late.

Here's a quote that I always think of at my birthday:

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.
-Father Larry Lorenzoni

I celebrated my birthday in a traditional way...with Kung Pao chicken and cream cheese wontons. Well, OK maybe not that normal. I got my weird guy reputation to uphold you know. The wife got me a new t-shirt for my birthday. I think she's trying to tell me something, or rather to stop doing something.

Here's a close up of that shirt.

So now go check out some major boobage at

100 Beers in 100 Days - Let Me Give A Shout Out To All The 'Beer Heads'

Day 8 – Grolsch Premium Lager

Today Beer Heads* we head 50 miles east of Amsterdam to the city of Enschede. Due to it’s location it has been occupied by both Germany and Belgium as well as the Netherlands during the course of it’s history. This in turn has given the city a rather confused culture as it’s residents have been influence by all three countries. As a result Grolsch, as I have discovered, has a confused taste as well. It’s taste was similar to the Amstel, but with both a Belgian beer quality and a German Pilsner style that make a taste that I am finding difficult to put into words. It was more drinkable than the other Lager/Pilsners I have tried, and Iron Chef said it had an acidic after taste that might make it work very well with certain foods. Grilled burgers may be one of those foods because I did suck it down fast at dinner. I will rate Grolsch a 6.

I will have to apologize to any Beer Heads who were hoping to try the “Style Revival” beers that I had mentioned a few days ago. Apparently there aren’t any of those at Jungle Jim’s anyhow because their website people…ARE FILTHY LIARS!

* My readership, according to several analytical sources, has gone from over 90 per week to almost 300 per week since I started the Beer Odyssey. So, I figure this group that’s been following me on the odyssey is now big enough for the members to have a shared nickname. You know, like dead heads.

So, now go tie one on with all your good friends at

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 7

Well folks, here we are in the Netherlands capital of Amsterdam. A city that derives it’s name from the dam on the river Amstel, which is course also the origin of the name of today’s beer.

Amstel Light

Amsterdam was founded as a small fishing village somewhere around 1000 AD, and quickly boomed into a large city due to the importance of it’s port. Today the bustling metropolis is home to more than 750,000 pot heads citizens. And of course in order to fill the beverage needs for all the people with the munchies, a large brewery with the capacity for mass production was needed. The brewery opened it’s doors in 1870, and has since provided Amsterdam with a common everyday/ everyman’s beer. And that folks is my review of Amstel Light. It’s not bad, I like it whole lot better than Stella Artois, but unfortunately common is all that is. It poured well, it was relatively smooth and the taste was not too far behind more refined pilsners. Iron Chef said it had a slight “musty” taste to it which wasn’t good and wasn’t bad, but “just was”. I will rate Amstel Light a 5.

Now go tie one on with all your old friends at

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Drinking My Way Home

As it turns out, reading (or writing for that matter) about beer gets old a whole lot faster than drinking beer does. So, I have decided to make this blog the beer aficionados version of Where’s Waldo. So now, all of you at home can follow me as I make the drunken journey from the Trappistes Monastery in the countryside of eastern Belgium back to my home town as I sample beers from around the world and across the country so you won’t have to…unless of course you want to, then in that case grab your mug and lets roll. I would love to have more company on the odyssey because the bigger the party the better, and the better the evaluations of the beers.

Day 6 - Sterkens Dubbel Ale

Today's leg of the odyssey brings us to the Belgian town of Meer located about 50 miles north of Brussels. In this small town the Sterkens brewery makes classic Abbey style beers originally developed by those Trappist monks.

For reasons I probably shouldn’t mention, I don’t remember much about this beer. I do remember that it was solid [holding fist in “black power gesture”] and I liked it. The beer poured really well, and there was virtually no head. I think Iron Chef wasn’t in the mood for beer last night, so I don’t have any of her culinary insight to add. On a scale from 1 to 10 (Oh yeah, I am also rating them now) where 1 means you should just flush it straight down the toilet, and 10 means it causes the drinker to have an orgasmic experience. I give the Sterkens Dubbel Ale a 7.

I think today will be the last day in Belgium. Tomorrow I will move it along to the next country on my itinerary. Below I have posted a map that you can print out and use to track the progress of my odyssey.

So follow me as I head below sea level into Holland where I will try some beers that are the product of small breweries in the midst of a stylistic revival as well as some large brands that I have always thought about trying.
So jump on the bus and drink around the world with me. You can bring all of your friends from too if you want.

Monday, July 21, 2008

The “Dancing Monkey” Double Feature

Here it is folks, the big dance video I promised, about a month ago, to release the day after FMLP’s video would be posted. This first one was the primary idea I had about filling in where Matt left off by having some footage from Cincinnati where Matt has yet (if at all) to visit.

This second one was an idea I had while putting together the plan of attack for the first video. It is a spoof on the first video that involves some inside joke that only people who were small kids during the 70’s and early 80’s will totally get.

Now dance your way to and check out some funny blogs.

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 5

Trappistes Rochefort 8

I was lucky enough to get to the beer aisle at Jungle Jim’s international market just as “The Beer Guy” was stocking the elusive Trappistes Rochefort and therefore would be able to try it before leaving the Belgium beers. By the way, I decided to choose beers geographically in order to have another interesting element to these beer odyssey blogs that have already become as stale as can of Shlitz, but more on that tomorrow.

I had high expectations for this beer since The Stinker was totally rubbing his nipples over this brand, and also because the last Trappist ale I tried was sooooo goooood…when it touched my lips. And this beer totally met those expectations. My first impression of the newly poured beer was pretty much the same I had when I first drank Guinness. Heavy beer, thick head, dark color, you know that good stuff I’m talking about. Iron Chef immediately picked up on some coffee or chocolate flavor that was too faint to make out for sure. I ‘m gonna say the flavor is coffee because I belched a short while later and it had the same affect as that time I chugged the whole pot at work. Iron Chef didn’t like this as much as the fruiter Trappist ale, but I like it better.

Now go tie one on with all your old friends at

Sunday, July 20, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 4

Kasteel Rouge

I didn’t expect that much from this beer. The "cherry juice added" words as read off the label of the portly little bottle gave me the impression that it would have a Juicy-Juice like quality to it. The strong cherry aroma only added to that affect. Then, without warning, my taste buds got their ass kicked and handed to them on a platter. This beer is "Da Bomb". Cherry bomb to be exact. The cherry was strong, but not nauseatingly sweet like cheery juice can be. Iron Chef said it was very much like a fine red wine except without the "bite". This also may be the smoothest beer known to mankind. We both loved it, and Iron Chef wouldn’t shut up about it to all our friends.

So now go tie one on with all of your good friends at

Saturday, July 19, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - Day 3

Stella Artois Premium Lager

After opening the bottle to reveal a faint funky smell, I quickly lost the first impression of fanciness that the bottle design conveys. It was bitter as it was hops and malt heavy and had a lighter golden look to it. I didn’t particularly like this one. Neither did Iron Chef who elegantly described the flavor as “blah”. I found it be only mildly drinkable and consider it to be one “specially lined can” shy of being Keystone light.

So now go and tie one on with all your good friends at

Friday, July 18, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days

Day 2 – Hoegaarden Witbier (White Beer)

I came across this one and realized that I had never before drunk anything referred to as white beer. I wondered if white beer was some special beer that was brewed with baby hops petals plucked from the plant before they matured. I decided to wonder no more and got some to try.

The description on the bottle said it was brewed with a hint of coriander and orange peel, so I was surprised to find there was absolutely no aroma to it when I opened the bottle. The problem with that isn’t that my under developed taste buds couldn’t find the coriander, it’s that Iron Chef’s nearly professional palette couldn’t find it either. It has a clean and simple taste, crisp even. I would say that it is Budweiser-ish, but that would be very wrong. It wasn’t hops heavy, and had absolutely no bitterness to it. So basically, they actually may have used baby hops for less bitterness. Either that or white beer is what those ca-raa-zy Belgians call their pale lagers. Even though there wasn’t any coriander flavor, there was a great little orange flavor with the very last gulp. Iron Chef liked the deisn on the bottle, but wasn’t impressed with the contents. I on the other hand, really liked it.

Now go tie one on with all your old friends at

Thursday, July 17, 2008

100 Beers in 100 Days - The Odyssey Begins

Welcome readers to the first installment of the beer journal for my Beer Odyssey. This journal will outline the thoughts and experiences of each new brand/style/type of beer I will try over the next 100 days. Yeah, I know. 100 days is a long time. It’s sort of like a marathon for beer drinkers. It will be a tough journey, but I think I am up to the challenge.

Day 1 - Koningshoeven Quadruple Trappist Ale

I didn’t know where to start my odyssey due to the fact that the world of beer is so dizzying in size. So, I took a hint from The Stinker, who recommended Trappistes Rochefort. As luck would have it, the exotic market I went to had virtually every beer known to man with the exception of this specific brand. So, I settled for the next best (actually only) Trappist ale they had; Koningshoeven Quadruple.

Immediately after opening the bottle, it mysteriously fizzed over the mouth of the bottle like Mount St. Helens thereby leaving half of its contents on the table. This didn’t leave a good first impression on me. Fortunately, after drinking the other $2 worth from the bottle I was much more pleased and had some better names to call those Trappist Monks. It tasted really good, and I really liked the full body and the fact that the fruitier taste is a nice change from the hops heavy beers you find everywhere. Iron Chef* said it was easy on the grain flavor and enjoyed the hint of ginger in its taste. She also thought it would go better with something other than the baked fish we had for dinner. We both agreed that those Trappist Monks have some mad beer brewing skills.

* The Weird Wife asked that I change her name in the blog because as she put it; “I am not weird, I am quirky”. BTW – I am not calling her the quirky wife either because I think she may not have realized how the name would sound.

Now go tie one on with your friends at

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

A Blank Mind, Inflatable Pool Permits, And Future Blog Posts

I don't know what to post today in order to get back in the swing of things with blogging. Hopefully, I will be back with something original in a day or two after I work through the details of a blog series that may be called "100 Beer Brands in 100 Days". I should also have the promised dance video in a week or so. In the mean time, here is a thought from one of my old blogs.

When asked about the local governments requirement of zoning, building and electrical permits for those big inflatable pools I thought:

What’s next, the DMV requiring tax, title, and registration of bicycles?

I think I will coin the term, “Green Tape”. Green tape will refer to the use of “Red Tape” by local government agencies as a ploy for squeezing more money out of people. So, the next time you hear the term, just remember it started with me.

Let’s take this pool thing one permit at a time.

Zoning? An inflatable pool is not only temporary, but not even a structure. It’s a possession. An inflatable pool shouldn’t be held to zoning any more than patio furniture.

Building? It’s not built, it’s inflated. And do people really need some detailed drawings of the pool before they can get the permit to inflate it?

Electrical? Sure, it’s got a small electric powered pump for the filtration system, but all you do is plug it into the wall. What’s next, requiring an electrical permit to plug in a toaster. And why not? Quite frankly, a toaster is a much bigger shock hazard than a pool filter.

This Green Tape is only gonna get worse. I think local governments like to use this as an alternative to raising taxes. I am surprised we don’t already need license plates and registration for lawn mowers.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

A Postcard From My Vacation

Have you ever sent a postcard while you were on vacation, and strangely enough it took longer for the post office to deliver it than it did for you to finish your vacation and go back home. So the recipient ended up getting it after you returned. Well, I thought it would be unprecedented to give all of my readers a postcard from my vacation BEFORE I leave. I have even used my psychic abilities to determine what I would say on it.



Need To Get Away?

Apparently I do. I was setting up the automatic “Out of office” reply at work and accidentally clicked the wrong button. For some reason beyond my understanding, Microsoft Outlook has this button that, when you click on it, will make the program send the “out of office” reply to every e-mail that has ever been sent to you since the beginning of time. My super fast work computer was able to send out a boatload of those replies within the fraction of a second that it took me to unplug my Ethernet cable. So now, pretty much everyone in the entire company is walking past my desk to tell me “they got the message already” and I can stop sending that e-mail. Now after explaining “The Button” to everyone, they clearly think I'm a total dumb ass. This little fiasco reminded me of this list.
1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.
4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $1.99 for the first 10 words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message.
6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.(The beauty of this is that when you return, you cansee how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)
7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
9. I've run away to join a different circus.
10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta’ instead of 'Steve'.

July 3rd, 2008

Today there are only 200 more days until that glorious day that President Fuckuptheeconomyandforeignrelationswhileneedlesslysacrificingsoldiersiniraq will leave office.

Show Me Your... moves. What did you think I was gonna say? Well OK, you can show me those too! But then put your shirt back on and make a quick video like this one and send it to FMLP.

I hope this little tease of a clip can hold you over till the full movie is posted. Maybe I should make a movie similar to FMLP's except with all the humor-bloggers showing me their TT's.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

More Funny Headlines

Sometimes I open up my homepage in the morning and see an unusually high number of headlines that I think are funny. Here is what I found this morning.

Experts Puzzled Over Record Oil Prices – What kind of experts don’t understand that the Apu’s of the Middle East hate the rest of the world and want to make us suffer financially. I’m an idiot and I know that.

Bulldozer attack kills 2 – Bulldozers aren’t very fast and agile. Couldn’t those people have just stepped to the side?

Torture Video Stirs Uproar – Did someone think a video of torture would bring praise?

Patriotic Celebrations Planned For July 4th Holiday – I never would have guessed.

Death Of Man At Cliff Base A Mystery – Really, the police can’t figure this one out.

City May Muzzle Dog Rental Business – Dog Rental? Seriously, people do that? Oh, I know. I bet blind people without Seeing Eye dogs need to rent them. It’s like renting a car when you are on vacation. That would make sense. And people want to shut that business down. I bet the business owners didn’t see that coming.

Man Auctions Life On Ebay, Disappointed With Selling Price – Really, why does he think people would want his life when he doesn't even want it?

Women’s House Demolished By College Prank – OMG, how much beer did they drink?

Starbucks To Close 600 Stores – But they plan to leave the remaining 400 billion stores open for business. I guess I will just have to walk across the street to the other Starbucks for my coffee.

Man Struck By Lightning Says, “It Hurt” – This may sound like an Onion article but in actuality it was the alert press at that brought us this shocking revelation.

Massive Catfish Chokes On Football In German Canal – Dude, you’re using the wrong bait.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Minor Change of Plans

I don’t know what to do.

Last week I mentioned that I was going to submit a clip to Fold My Laundry Please and then post that clip on my blog as inspiration to everyone who could potentially get involved with her video project. But then something happened. My way of doing things happened. I am P.T. Barnum incarnate, and have a tendency to dream big, and overdo things. And that’s exactly what happened. So, instead of a quick clip, I got this whole 3 minute video all edited and ready to post.

Now mind you, this isn’t an Oscar winning video by any stretch, but it IS a full blown exposition of an idea very similar to what Fold My Laundry Please had, and therein lies my problem. I just realized yesterday that I can’t post my video a full two and a half weeks before hers. That would be a rude “butting in line ahead her” kind of thing to do. So as it stands, the laughter to be had at my expense will have to be delayed. I quess I will have to post my video on July 20th in tandem with FMLP’s.

So here I am, I don’t know what to do for a post this morning
. I quess this will have to be it.

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