Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Dust Chronicles: Part 2 - This and That

As we were excavating through the last of the walls.

And the last of the floor tile.

It became an archaelogical excavation as we happened upon this little artifact. My earliest guess would date this specimen circa 1967. Mainly because that's the year that the house built.

While taking pictures of the remodeling project, we have noticed some strange things in the images. After watching the show Ghost Hunters, we have learned that the things in theses pictures are the visual manisfestation of ghosts as things they call "Orbs".

As the Demolition went on the ghosts became more active and more abundant until the entire house became a torrent of Orb activity.

Well, either that or there is still way too much dust in here. I will have to get one of those special devices that records ghost voices to be absolutely sure.

Monday, February 16, 2009

The Dust Chronicles: Part 1

The wife and I were stricken with what I suspect was a bout of temporary insanity. While most people are dealing with the current financial crisis by stashing money in mattresses and hoarding food; we decided to take this perfectly good kitchen,

Move the appliances to another room as well as pack up all the dishes and cookware, then brutally mutilate it by tearing out the wall it shares with the dining room.

So, it ended up being a dusty, gutted out skeleton of our former kitchen after the first weekend. I couldn't find a picture of the actual carnage, but this picture shows a close approximation. It was taken after we rebuilt the wall to accommodate a bar top when it's all finished.

Notice the dangling wires and electrical work. Therein lies the cause of frustration for the rest of the week. That means we can only have one working electrical outlet during the entire project. Since the refrigerator requires one of the plugs, we are left with just one single plug for all our kitchen electrical needs. You would think one would be plenty, but it really isn't. It seems like every time I go to plug in something, it's already in use.
We kept ourselves optimistic that first week by telling each that it's just like camping...just in a really dusty house. Which I probably should have mentioned in order to explain the title. There seems to be no escape from the drywall dust. We sweep and vacuum, but there is still drywall dust everywhere. We have developed a perpetual hack as result of the drywall dust. And not some little dry cough either. It's that really heavy kind of cough that hooks up with a loogy at the end of it. We sound like life long smokers.
Well kids! I gotta go for now. See ya next time.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Time of the Signs

Has anyone else been keeping up with the string of stories about the pranksters who keep hacking into electronic highway signs? I enjoy these stories because they are clearly about people who are kindred to my own soul. They are these guys who like to change the messages on highway signs to read funny things like "CAUTION! ZOMBIES AHEAD!" Or "RUN FOR COLD CLIMATES!" I think it’s pretty amusing to read these in the midst of all of the other news stories with such bad news like the continuing financial collapse of the world, or the clusterf**k wars we are trapped in over seas. So I’ve waited for an update every week to see what new message these pranksters have come up with. Since these electronic highway signs are pretty useful for displaying highway cautions, I started thinking about what other types of warnings they could be used for.

For example, the American people could really have used one of these concerning the bank bailout that turned out to be more money for government leaders to piss away.

And our last president apparently needed this one:

As well as this one:

These signs could also help people in their daily life, like this one:

And even closer to home like this one I might like to see while driving home if the situation were to ever happen:

Which if ignored, would of course lead to this one on the day after:

But, I suppose the only one most people really need is this friendly suggestion:

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

How to lose readers and alienate your blog

Hey Kids! Sorry I haven’t been around much. I have been totally slammed at work these days, and if that wasn’t enough, the wife and I decided to remodel our kitchen. But I’ll have more about that later. I decided to check good ‘ol Google Analytics to see how many of my readers have gotten tired of checking back for updates and have left for good. I gotta say I was pleasantly surprised to find that I still have a total of eight faithful readers. However, Google states it in a much more depressing “99.06% loss of readership” way. So anyways, while I was there I decided to check out the latest searches that have brought strangers to this blog. Again, I have some entertaining ones to share.

Palestine Retards – I don’t specifically remember referring to any Middle Eastern school of MR/DD, but apparently I must have.

Squeak Makeup – I don’t know what to say about this. Those two words don’t belong in the same term together.

Black Pusses – The sad thing is, this person was probably looking for a particular type of porn, and accidentally misspelled that second word. This of course has me wondering what it is about the name “Andy’s Weird Warped World” that can be mistaken for a black pornographic site.

Chuck Norris College – If I had the chance to go back to school. I would go here. And I don’t even care if I would fail Roundhouse Kicking 101.

Mystique Wheel Squeak – Doesn’t this person know that there’s nothing mysterious about squeaky wheels. They just need oil.

Squeal on Your Employer – Unless they are wasting company time reading my blog, then you should keep their secret.

Well, that's all I got for you now. See you around.

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