No Comment Please

Have you ever read the comments after news stories on the internet? I am always dumbfounded by how stupid some of these comments can be. You would think these people would have friends who would tell them how stupid they appear by the comments they leave.

I am going to write this post at a risk. I say that because I don’t get many comments at my blog despite the fact that there are still readers here every day. So it probably won’t help any if I write this post that makes fun of the bad comments left at other sites. Even though it might deter people from commenting, I can’t let this comedic opportunity pass.

Let’s start with a story from one of my local news outlets. To paraphrase, the police caught a sex offender who had been throwing cinder blocks at the cars of women. To which this reader had the following opinion.



They then decided to follow it up with this comment.


Is that one typographical correction the only problem they found?

And then if that weren’t enough, the same person felt it necessary to display their clear writing style in the comment for another story about 12 year old thieves.



But you have to give mantan a little credit because they just have trouble writing clearly. This next person can’t even comprehend the story they just read which is about a girl’s soccer coach that raped some of the players because this is their comment.



This next person may have comprehended the story about the soccer coach, but who the heck is gonna know since nobody is going to read a comment this extensive.



I mean seriously, if you were supposed to write that much then the news website would put at the end of the story “leave dissertation” instead of “leave comment”.

I think this next commenter makes a great point about the posting of a DUI checkpoint location.



I think this second person was just as drunk as the first when they wrote this comment.



And lastly there is this comment which sparked the idea for this post. I could tell you what story they are commenting on, but it wouldn’t even matter.


maybe it's a secret code. Is there anyone out there that can decode this for me?

Well anyways. At least there aren't any people this stupid commenting on my blog.

I'm probably going to hell for this.

Once again I have decided to post a ludicrous question at an online forum in order to watch people go ape shlizt over it. I asked the following question to the members of a Christian forum under the heading “Scriptural Questions”. I got more than 651 replies to this question. I was hoping it would get up to 666 so I could add a reply that would make reference to it, but I think the site closes out threads after a certain period of time. I can’t post them all, but here are my top 10 favorite answers in no particular order. I added some commentary in parenthesis.

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Question:

In the official bible of my local church: ‘The Divine Tome of Satanic Ritual”, we satanic worshipers are instructed to burn the holy sepulcher of the house of David. Can anyone explain to me exactly what that means?

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Answers:

1. No. (Then why did this person reply?)

2. That not a church, that’s a occult. You should get out of there fast.

3. At this church do they sing Ozzy songs for hymms? (Right before we bite the heads off bats)

4. You think that’s funny you little Bassterd? (??? That’s not a Christian-like answer)

5. Satanits r stupid and so r u.

6. Thats probably HOME and not TOME.

7. Hey buddy that word is spelled SCEPTOR. (Really?)

8. Can you explain to me why you want to go to hell you satanist?

9. We can’t answer questions about satanic scripture here. (And I got 651 answers that prove that)

10. If you burn those things down it will probably be terrorism.

You aren’t missing anything with just these 10 replies. For the most part the others were pretty dull reading.

How NOT To Discipline A Puppy

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Well kids, since Fred Phelps of the WBC doesn’t appear to be responding to the last e-mail, I have decided to try something different. I am going to start posting funny and/or warped questions on different forums.

I jokingly posted the below question on Yahoo Answers to see what kind of response I would get. I would love to be able to post the full answer from each person, but since the question forum was deleted within 2 hours of being posted, all I have is the preview of each answer that was e-mailed to me as they were made. Props go out to chaosmanone for actually reading past the first two sentences.

Question:

What is the maximum voltage a 2 lb puppy can withstand? I am planning to make a taser for disciplining my wife’s puppy. I want to make it out of one of those invisible fences, but those are designed for larger outside dogs. I know that 110 volts will give a 200 lb person a pretty good zap. If I scale that down to 1.1 volts for a 2 lb dog will that be enough? Do you think that 20 volts is enough to jolt him without stopping his little heart?

Answers:

Robyn S. wrote: You're a monster.

Country Pup wrote: how about no volts as it is animal abuse...

W. wrote: I think you are a troll who needs to use that tazer on yourself-repeatedly.

Hippie C. wrote: I think you are going to be commiting animal abuse and if you can't handle t...

Emma B. wrote: i think you are a sick son of a ***** wasting peoples time, get a life you fucki...

Magy wrote: Reported for joking about animal abuse- if you are serious about training the pu...

Chaosmanone wrote: Check the voltage on one of those shock collars. That invention has alread…

Anavswife wrote: I'd like to taser you. You're disgusting.

Cathy P. wrote: I think you are a sick individual to even consider such a thing. Obedience trai...

Agilityteen wrote: How about a clicker and some yummy treats? OR YOU COULD RETURN THE DOG TO THE BR...

J.Rose wrote: I think you are a real sicko.

Lifehappens wrote: Thanks for the 2pts.....reported

Awesome_silver_33 wrote: Surely you cant be serious , how dare you even think of such a thing , how's...

Singleworker1230 wrote: Go to a dog training class and learn how to train dogs properly. Unless you fee...

I think it’s interesting how many people immediately judged me as an evil person without even asking if I have even tried the lighter forms of punishment. I am also surprised that not one person even recommended checking with a professional first, or at the very least pointed out that there may be serious physical reasons why invisible fences aren’t made for smaller dogs.
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Even though I know it’s a joke, I feel like such a heel for what these people think of my fake identity’s inhumane suggestion. I think maybe my fake identity should stand in the corner until next week’s blog post is published.