More Funny Headlines

Sometimes I open up my homepage in the morning and see an unusually high number of headlines that I think are funny. Here is what I found this morning.

Experts Puzzled Over Record Oil Prices – What kind of experts don’t understand that the Apu’s of the Middle East hate the rest of the world and want to make us suffer financially. I’m an idiot and I know that.

Bulldozer attack kills 2 – Bulldozers aren’t very fast and agile. Couldn’t those people have just stepped to the side?

Torture Video Stirs Uproar – Did someone think a video of torture would bring praise?

Patriotic Celebrations Planned For July 4th Holiday – I never would have guessed.

Death Of Man At Cliff Base A Mystery – Really, the police can’t figure this one out.

City May Muzzle Dog Rental Business – Dog Rental? Seriously, people do that? Oh, I know. I bet blind people without Seeing Eye dogs need to rent them. It’s like renting a car when you are on vacation. That would make sense. And people want to shut that business down. I bet the business owners didn’t see that coming.

Man Auctions Life On Ebay, Disappointed With Selling Price – Really, why does he think people would want his life when he doesn't even want it?

Women’s House Demolished By College Prank – OMG, how much beer did they drink?

Starbucks To Close 600 Stores – But they plan to leave the remaining 400 billion stores open for business. I guess I will just have to walk across the street to the other Starbucks for my coffee.

Man Struck By Lightning Says, “It Hurt” – This may sound like an Onion article but in actuality it was the alert press at CNN.com that brought us this shocking revelation.
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Massive Catfish Chokes On Football In German Canal – Dude, you’re using the wrong bait.