Calling All Warped Weirdos, Help Needed

Well kids, here it is. The answer we were waiting for from Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church (Or as I like to call them, The Westboro Brainless Cult). Unfortunately, this one also, for some unknown reason, completely side stepped my question. Again, I have added my personal commentary in blue text.




Freddy,

God hates Cincinnati because it is full of fags and sinners calling themselves Christians but don’t preach against those who have soiled this city with the semen of fags. [Yuck, remind me not to touch anything next time I am downtown.] If you were a faithful follower of God’s word you would already be in the streets in front of city hall preaching against the abominations and lewd behavior of the fags that you instead tolerate. [How do you know I am not doing that? I didn’t mention that in my e-mail.] Because from Falwell to Robertson, the Episcopalians to the Lutherans, you're all preaching the same thing, [What do you mean “I am preaching”? You just said I wasn’t preaching.] that grand message delivered by the Serpent in the Garden of Eden -- "ye shall not surely die". [Are you retarded or something? Jerry Falwell talked down gays as much as you. He was your kind of people.] You don't hear hell preached from America's pulpits anymore! [What pulpits besides your own have you heard sermons from?] There is no accountability for sin in this place, [except maybe a $10.9 million dollar lawsuit for picketing a soldiers funeral.] and therefore, there is no abstinence from sin, which wars against your soul (1 Peter 2:11). [What’s funny is; the very next verse refers to living peacefully with the pagans as an example as opposed to slandering them outright.]

Rev. Fred Phelps




Well alright then. I guess I am going to have to start thinking like a crazy person. I am going to write my next e-mail in a manner that will be as close to an impression of him as I can possibly get. DUDE! I know what to do! I should invite him to come to Cincinnati to picket a City Council meeting! But then what would I do if they did come to town? Why don’t I just leave this open for suggestions? I will take any and all ideas regarding what to with these nut jobs if they actually came to Cincinnati.

Still Waiting

Well kids, I still haven't gotten any reply from Fred Phelps of that hate group from Topeka Kansas. So I decided I would share this weird little tidbit with you on a similar subject. This is from a guy named Donnie Davies who has pretty much the same views of Fred except he doesn't picket Iraq War Veterans funerals. He has a much gentler approach to spreading his beliefs. He writes songs about his beliefs. Unfortunately he doesn't get it either because this song is called "God Hates Fags".

Click here to hear it.

I should clarify what I mean by these guys not getting it. I don't accept or agree with gay behavior any more than I accept or agree with the behavior of murderers, but I consider the members of both groups to be redeemable by Christ under the same conditions as the rest of this sinful world that God so loved. So therefore gays shouldn't be referred to in derogatory terms any more than a Christian should be referred to as a "brain washed religious nut", nor should we suspect that God hates them. He just hates what they do.

OK! Everybody sing! God hates fags....God hates fags....if your a fag then God hates you too...

Chris Henry: Player Hater

Don't Drink The Water

I just read this story about an "epidemic" at a high school in Roanoke, Virginia. Apparently people are acquiring some illness where they get these uncontrollable twitches and spasms. After the local health department officials found nothing contagious that would cause the twitching, the schools principal decided not to close the school.

Being curious of what kind of illness could possibly have twitching as a symptom, I decided to look it up at WebMD because seriously, I have never caught any kind of illness that caused twitching. So anyways I spend like 20 seconds finding that there are no contagious illnesses that cause twitching. Let me repeat that. There are no contagious illnesses that cause twitching. So why were the health officials looking for one? Are there health officials in my city that are stupid enough to look for something that doesn't exist. So after like another 5 seconds I discover that even though there is no illness, there is a condition triggered by an excess of Chloride in the body that actually does cause twitching. After another 5 seconds, a google search shows that excessive amounts of Chloride are common in heavily worn plumbing.

Seriously people, it took me like 30 seconds to figure out that the problem was in the water. I bet you probably jumped to that conclusion too. These people couldn't even suspect this after testing for weeks. How do people like this function in society? More importantly, why are they in charge of peoples children? Hmm, maybe I should go back and check if Chloride also causes brain damage.

New Target

Those who have read my blog for any period of time can tell that I like to mess with the organization PETA in e-mail form. I think I will forgo any further e-mails to PETA for 2 reasons. One, they don’t send me any goofy replies back anymore. And two, they are just a minor annoyance in the world whereas this cult in Topeka Kansas called the WBC is an internal threat to Christians. (See the Weekly Squeak for the blog I wrote about them: http://theweeklysqueak.blogspot.com/2007/11/cult-of-irrationality.html ) I will admit that I am not the best person in the world with my occasional off color language and such, but I still think I really need to send them some e-mails. I have begun by sending them the below e-mail to test how far I can go with them. The ‘contact us’ part of their website gives you a very vague response to your message which makes it difficult to tell if they even got the message, so we will have to wait and see if we get a reply.

Dear Rev. Phelps,

I am a faithful follower of God’s true word and I support all of your work and effort in educating the world of God’s clear commandments condemning homosexuality. It has been my belief for many years that America was in a downward spiral into Hell with seemingly no chance of redemption. I want to believe that it’s possible to change America from its sinful ways. I think something needs to be done soon.

While I don’t think I can change America, I would like to try to change the city I was born and raised in. The city of Cincinnati is in a state of crisis today as the misguided city government has recently placed a gay woman on City Council. In addition to city government, large companies like Cincinnati Bell Telephone have also fallen under the sinful leadership of gays in their upper management. If something isn’t done soon, I am concerned these leaders’ gay agenda will have a negative impact on the city of Cincinnati.

I am writing to you today to ask for your guidance on how best to try to change the city of Cincinnati’s evil ways and hopefully turn it in a God fearing direction. Any and all advice in this matter is needed.

Sincerely,
Freddy A. Heddar

.

My hope is that I can get lots more crazy crap from this guy to use against him in future e-mails.