Fun with PETA

I don't know why, but I just really felt like writing this e-mail to PETA. They didn't respond to my last e-mail asking if it was OK to use the hides of PETA members to make leather, so I don't really expect to hear back from them.

Dear PETA,

As acting commissioner of the NDFA (National Dog Fighting Association), I am displeased with your smear campaign against our organization.

The NDFA is an organization that is deeply rooted in the strong traditions that are highly regarded by many in this country. Dog fighting was first known to exist within the early protestant church as a representation of the ongoing battle between righteousness and depravity inside all mankind. Then, 200 years ago, the spectator sport of dog fighting was first introduced in this country by our forefathers Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson as a more humane substitute to the Negro fighting that was, at that time, enjoyed by many slave owners. In later years, President Abraham Lincoln praised the early form of the NDFA for reducing the abuses of slave owners, and for continuing the American spirit to fight to the end for what they believe is right. During WWII, the NDFA used it’s expertise in training animals for the service of the US army in their fight against the Nazi regime. Since then, dog fighting has become a symbol of the life, liberty and happiness that our forefathers fought so hard to secure for all freedom loving Americans.

As a spokesperson for true Americans, Veterans, faithful Christians, and Civil Rights activist everywhere; I can declare that the recent smear campaign against the NDFA is a clear indication of the hidden satanic, racist and communist motives of PETA. While you at PETA may appear to be helping animals, this is apparently just a front for your campaign against American values, Civil Rights, and the word of God that declared man’s dominion over all animals. This declaration is supported by the following report from the Journal of the American Medical Association. In a John’s Hopkins University study, it was found that people who didn’t eat sufficient amounts of animal protein would be stricken with a mild form a mental retardation that would prevent them from having a firm grasp of ephemeral concepts such as Freedom, Heaven, and God given rights.

So it is with my support from Christians, Civil Rights Activist, Veterans and the Medical community that I write this letter of condemnation to the PETA organization.

Disgustfully,

J.R. “Bob” Downs

Top 10 Little Known Things About London

It’s apparently illegal to sit down in public within Central London as there are virtually no park benches, and any other place where you could sit has metal spikes mounted to it.

There is a reason why the British haven’t taken over the American Automotive market like the Japanese have; because their cars are crap.

Any Londoner you meet is more likely to be from France, Spain or The Middle East rather than from the UK.

Even though British beer makers should be rebuked for making cruddy tasting beer, they should also be praised for making it with like double the alcoholic content.

Contrary to popular belief, Londoners do not stop everything at noon and drink tea... they actually have tea at 3.

African Americans have nothing on the British when it comes to plating things with gold.

Some places serve fish with the scales still on it.

They don’t have English Muffins in England.

For a city with such an extensive public transportation system, you sure have to walk some great distances to get to everything.

Real English people don’t sound anything like the Monty Python guys

All the Pics

I decided to add all the rest of the pictures from the London trip to the slideshow.
Click Here

The Travelers Guide To London: Chapter Four

Welcome back to my American guide to London. Here is a list of all the places I would either recommend that you visit or skip followed by the reasons for each.

Where to go:

Madame Tussaud’s
Where else can you get a picture of yourself kicking Saddam Hussein in the nuts? We were pleased that it was more than just wax figures in a room and thought you got pretty much for the ticket price.

The Royal Albert Memorial
You just can’t understand the ornate grandeur of it without seeing it up close.

Changing of the Guards
Even though it’s just the Guard guys marching, it’s still pretty neat. The guards on horses provided another unique little show.

Piccadilly Circus
Since walking and looking at things is mostly all that London has to offer, the fun atmosphere of this area was a nice change of pace. The incredibly expansive Trocadero Arcade was pretty fun. And according to restaurant signs, it is the home of London’s best fish and chips.

Trafalgar Square
The National Portrait Gallery is here, as well as some famous statue that is so far up on this column that you can’t really see it. I especially like the view of Big Ben and the Admirals Arch from here. And according to restaurant signs, it is the home of London’s best fish and chips.

Hyde Park Corner
The original Hard Rock Café, and the Hard Rock Vault are here, so of course I liked this area. This is also a good picture spot for the Wellington Arch. And according to restaurant signs, it is the home of London’s best fish and chips.

Oxford Circus
This wouldn’t be on the list except there are some real good places to eat in this area. We got great Italian and Spanish food here. And according to restaurant signs, it is the home of London’s best fish and chips.

The Natural History Museum
The Awe inspiring building alone is worth the trip there.

The Tower Bridge Exhibition
I was simply expecting a small wall with some documents, sketches and blurry black and white pictures. So when we found the well produced movies at each tower along the self guided tour across the top walkways of the bridge, we were very pleased.

Tower of London
It’s an old castle, so you can talk like the Monty python comedians and nobody even thinks twice. It’s sort of like the middle ages version of Colonial Williamsburg.

Paul Patisserie’s
It’s a chain of deli-like bakeries and the only restaurant in London that I wish we had in Cincinnati as well. Try a "Le Croque", the are very tastey ham and cheese croisants that make a great breakfast.

The Orangery Tea Room
The fancy scenery and building are worth seeing. The fancy food was pretty good too.

Where not to go:

The Orangery Tea Room
You got there expecting a truly fine British experience, and are totally let down. Debby was seconds away from pimp slapping one of the Czech or Romanian servers that didn’t really know how to speak English.

London Dungeon
Apparently you wait 6 hours in line just to go through a haunted house. I was happy with just going through the one at Madame Tussaud’s.

The Science Museum
They actually perfected a method of portraying science to be more boring than even a nerd boy like me can take.

The Geology Museum
See the above Science Museum explanation. We stumbled into this one by accident thinking it was the Natural History Museum. I especially hate this one because it’s a one way trip through this museum and we lost all of our museum time trying to get out of it, and therefore ended up not having time for the really cool looking Natural History Museum.

The Apsley House
A dusty and musty old house with boring antique looking stuff. It was just plain boring.

Hyde Park
It may as well be [insert county park here] back home.

The Medieval Banquet at the Beefeater restaurant
The horribly high price seemed like a pretty good deal because it included unlimited beer and wine until we found out the beer was authentic, non-carbonated, nasty tasting “ale” and the wine was almost literally vinegar. They didn’t really try to make it authentic either, because the wenches were Hispanic and French, and the minstrels played Irish Christmas songs.

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That's pretty much all I got for attractions. Tune in next time when I wrap up the American Travelers Guide for London with random nuggets of advice.

London Slideshow

You can find this slideshow with larger pictures by clicking on this link
http://picasaweb.google.com/AndyStall/LondonPics/photo#s5078918725493690210