The Weird Warped Financial Crisis

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I thought that the auto industries request for government money was the worst case scenario for this bailout. Then, I read an article today about an Ohio school district that is also asking for a slice of the $700 Billion dollar government bailout pie. Theoretically, if one school district gets assistance, then they all would. Considering how many short budgeted school districts there are in this country, this could really turn out bad. Apparently the situation is only going to get worse. And unfortunately that “worse situation” includes me.

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That’s right folks; the financial crisis has hit the Weird Warped World blog pretty hard. The prognosis is far worse than that of the big 3 auto makers. Whereas the auto makers claim that they will be bankrupt by the end of the year, Andy’s Weird Warped World is already, financially speaking, “tapped out”. At this point, I don’t know any other way to save it than to ask for $10 Billion dollars of the bailout money. If action isn’t taken soon, there could be a total collapse of all operations here at the Weird Warped World blog.

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Sure, you might argue that I have made some bad financial decisions like NOT displaying any products I could possibly sell, but that doesn’t mean I should automatically be disqualified. As I see it, the very fact that my blog has nothing that people want to buy would make it no different than the big 3 auto makers.

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So here is my bailout plan for 2009.

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First, I will opt to drive my 1992 Ford Ranger to Washington DC instead of flying in a corporate jet. Mainly because I don’t have a corporate jet, but seriously, those Congressional leaders don’t need to know that.

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Second, I will offer to continue producing the blog for a 2009 annual salary of just $1 while at the same time canceling all CEO raises, and bonuses.

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Third, I will renegotiate contracts with all labor unions which include the LJWG (Lame Joke Writers Guild), the BIGA (Bad Idea Generators of America) Local 1, the UBA (United Blog workers of America) Local 1, and the IBT (What can I say? Those Teamsters got their hands in just about every industry.).

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Lastly, I will ensure Congress that the government will have a secure majority share in Andy’s Weird Warped World.

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With that $10 Billion dollars, I am sure that I will be able to revitalize this blog and make a profit of at least $10 Billion dollars in 2009. In the mean time, you can help make it popular as well by voting for it at Humor-Blogs.com and Humorbloggers.com.

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