Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The Solution To Bad Drivers

I continually lament over the stupidity of mankind while driving. So therefore I have naturally developed the opinion that many of the accidents and deaths that occur on the road could easily be avoided if drivers were forced to take an IQ test in order to obtain or keep their driver’s license. So I was just wondering; what might that test look like?

1. How often should a pedestrian check the brakes on their car?

2. How many cars are permitted through an intersection when a light is turning red?

3. What is a fifth wheel used for?

4. How many sides are on a hexagonal shaped stop sign?

5. What is the maximum distance that a driver is permitted to drive on the wrong side of the road?

6. What is the slowest speed that can be measured on a tachometer?

7. How much slower must a driver’s car be than the traffic in the slow lane when they are merging onto an interstate highway?

8. What does the yellow light mean?

9. Under what circumstances is a driver permitted to turn left across an unbroken double yellow line?

10. If a driver is drunk, talking on a cell phone and driving recklessly before having a fatal accident with a telephone pole; what infraction of the law will the responding police officer cite the driver for?

Scoring System:
One point for every correct answer.

Reading the score:
10 = We regret to inform you that you will be waiting in line at the DMV for the next 5 hours to pick up your driver’s license.

9 = Congratulations, you only missed obtaining a driver’s license by one point!

8 = Buy a bus pass instead paying as you go, it’s cheaper that way.

7 = You can’t have a license, but we’ll let you pay the fee to take the test again.

6 = Pull up your drooping pants. Nobody wants see your underwear.

5 = At this IQ you are only qualified to drive in the state of Indiana.

4 = You don’t need a license. You can ride the short bus.

3 = How do you even function in society?

2 = They must not have cars in the country you are from.

1 = Good news! Your lobotomy was successful!

0 = Blame the public school system for your illiteracy.

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