Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Tales of the Possum Hunter - Continued

I woke up to the sound of the wife’s stupid cat Repete calling us from inside the animal trap to come and let him out again. Yes, my wife named her cat Repete after my cat Pete, but I won’t go into that. So, I got up and went to the back door and then noticed something really odd about Repete; he wasn’t in the cage. He was meowing at me from beside the cage. Apparently through the darkness I didn’t see the black animal inside the cage at first, but when I did, I saw something very strange. I didn’t know what it was. It was really tall and had to crouch low to get in the cage. It was maybe twice as long as Repete. The thing had somehow turned it self 180 degrees to face the cage door despite not having much room to move around in there. I thought to myself, what could that be? It definitely wasn’t any kind of dog. We don’t have any big animals like mountain lions in this area so it couldn’t have been one of those. Then I got the silly idea that maybe this is one of those Chupacabra things that people report seeing in Mexico. Yea, that’s it. It’s a Chupacabra.

The thing started to scream and hiss and ram its head really hard into the cage door. It was eerily reminiscent of the zombie like guy at the end of ‘I am Legend’. I usually don’t fear any of the non-predatory scavenger type animals that get in the trap. Like even though raccoons are pretty mean, once the cage door is opened they become more afraid of me than I am of them. This thing however, legitimately began to scare the living crap out of me. I slowly edged around to the front of the cage to get a better look at the vicious creature only to find… HOLY CRAP! That is the biggest house cat I have ever seen. As I looked at it in a horrified amazement, it rammed its head so hard into the cage that it forced the door open and then scrambled around to face me. I was so shaken up by the sheer evil of the animal that I ran back into the house and took a few minutes to shake it off. I watched from safely behind the glass sliding door as the giant, evil, “Chupacabra Cat” darted off into the night.

A few weeks later, I heard Repete again. Only this time he was much wiser. Instead of standing next to the “Chupacabra Cat”, he was about 10 feet away from the cage. I reacted quickly and grabbed a heavy planter from the corner of the deck and pushed it up against the cage door. I felt much better after making sure he couldn’t break out again. Then it hit me. What the heck am I going to do with this thing? So I ended up bracing the door shut with a lug wrench and threading a long piece of cable through the cage wires in order to be able to safely pull the cage wherever I needed. And then I just did what I always do. I trucked it away to a secret undisclosed location and let it loose. Now, the “Chupacabra Cat” can run free through hillsides of Ohio killing as much cattle as it wants.

1 comment:

Brian Holland said...

Looks like an Iron Maiden album cover to me...

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