Monday, March 10, 2008

How To Get Free High Speed Internet


For some unknown reason, my wife has this undying devotion to the Cincinnati Bell Telephone company despite the sleaze ball things they do to their customers and their employees. And for the longest time she would refuse to cancel their expensive Zoomtown “high speed” internet service despite the fact that it’s slower than Netzero’s dialup service. For some other unknown reason, she actually listened to my out of control ranting and canceled it last week.

I hate Zoomtown; not because they treat customers like shit, or because the technical support is nonexistent. I hate them because they are the stingiest bastards in the world when it comes to allotting bandwidth.

I don’t actually need high speed internet service that often, but when I do, I want to actually get that service that I paid for. It was pretty much the same thing every couple of months. I would go to do something a little more exhaustive than just checking e-mail and it would take so long for a page to load that the Microsoft internet explorer would totally give up and just display their generic page load error message instead. Then I would call the Zoomtown people and complain that the service was cut off and they would lie to me and say that they would look into the problem. So a day or two later when they didn’t do anything, I would call again and demand a full refund for all the months we weren’t getting the high speed service we paid for and after getting transferred to several different people, they would make up some bull shit reason why it wasn’t working that month, pretend like they were fixing something, give me a refund for only one of the months in question and then allot us enough bandwidth to be just shy of a good high speed service, but I’m not greedy so I would call it “good enough” and take what I got. But of course, the contemptible low life shit eaters at Zoomtown could never leave “good enough” alone and within 3 days would cut the bandwidth back down to that of a lesser than dialup service. So you can image my discontent.

I think my brain is slowing down as get older. In my younger days, I would have thought of this a lot sooner. But as it stands, I only thought of this yesterday; well after the service was discontinued. But luckily, any of you getting this advice now will be able to use the technique outlined here.

Step 1 – Sign up for Zoomtown and wait for them to shut off the service.
Step 2 - Call customer service and demand a refund to get the bandwidth turned back up, and a refund scheduled for that month.
Step 3 – Use as normal for 2 days and call them again and demand a refund so they will increase bandwidth again, and keep you on the schedule for receiving a refund.
Step 4 – Repeat steps 2 and 3 indefinitely.

Why would this deceptively simple system work, you ask? It’s like this; Zoomtown knows that they cheat people out of bandwidth, so they won’t question for one single second any claim that a customer has no service. They are also accustomed to giving people refunds for the previous month because that small matter of appeasement is the only method they have for retaining customers, so they will always be quick with that solution with the idea that they will make it up in future months by selling you nothing.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the way to get free high speed internet.

1 comment:

Arpeggio Andy said...

I just got a ZoomTown bill for this month despite the fact we canceled the service. So if we get a refund for the last month it will be for this mistakenly billed month. I hate ZoomTown!!!!

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