Friday, May 30, 2008

It Done Went Down

I got an e-mail from a reader asking; "What gives, I thought you would update us on your evil plan to foil the WBC?" I originally didn’t have an answer because I was both unable to find anything funny to write about, and ashamed of myself for trying to find something funny to write about concerning a soldiers funeral. But, the main thing is, I never got a reply to my e-mail offering "help" and there was absolutely no media coverage of their visit, so I had nothing to really write about. In addition, there turned out to be about 3000 members of the Patriot Guard that stood outside during the ceremony. So, I think maybe, somebody else beat me to the idea of forming a "Human Wall" between the ballpark and the nuts.

There is actually some humorous stuff to post concerning this event. That would of course be the
WBC's laughable account of what happened. Allow me to elaborate my point with some commentary (in white text) of some of the finer points from the WBC "Field Report" (in blue text).

"They were expecting so many people to come look at the carcass that they had the funeral at the Great American Ball Park. Did he say the Great American Ball Park? Yes, I said the Great American Ball Park. Where the Cincinnati Reds play."

So where exactly did these R-tards expect 10,000 people to pay respects to him? Did he say 10,000 people showed up? Yes, I said 10,000 people showed up.

"It didn’t turn out to go quite as planned, but, come on, people. God just kicked your backside. You might as well drop your pants and moon Him."

I’m sure they would like that. The WBC seems to have a fetish for gays and anal sex.

“The next day, we headed over to Cincinnati. On the way in, we saw a billboard that said something like “please join us in worshipping Matt Maupin’s carcass.” They may have worded a little differently, but that was the gist.”

The billboard said; “Remember Matt Maupin”. If they consider the act of remembering to be a form of worship, then wouldn’t the fact that they are recalling the funeral in their blog mean that they too are worshipping SSgt. Maupin?

“We were greeted outside the Great American Ball Park by the Cincinnati SWAT team.”

No you weren’t.

“Apparently, the biker chicks had called in and said they were going have thousands of people, and they were ready to kill us, or maim us, or do something really bad to us that would justify having the SWAT team out there.”

If you would stop calling them biker CHICKS, they might not want to beat the crap out of you. The only reason there was no confrontation is because the WBC was cowering so far away from the place that they were not associated with the funeral at all. They were across the street and 2 blocks way as seen in these pictures. Note the parking sign in the top left corner of the first picture.

Notice that the policeman is crossing at the second to last intersection before the highway.

Here is the big picture from google maps.

“I saw enough biker chicks and military mutts to make me wonder if we were accidentally picketing a costume party, or perhaps a Village People lookalike convention - I kept waiting for some guy dressed up like an Indian to show up, but alas, it never happened.”

The Indian would have made the scene complete, especially if the Village Peoples cowboy also showed up.

Anyways, how would they know? They weren’t even close enough to see anyone at the funeral.

“There was one event at this picket that will bear noting, and that is a puddle of high ranking marines assaulted some of our women.”

Really? With the hoards of media coverage, ten thousand attendees, and more photographs posted online than I have ever encountered for a single subject, you would think there would be some sign of this assault you speak of.

“We like to call it “Iwo Jima II”, because such bravery hasn’t been seen since Iwo Jima I.”

I don’t know what history books you’ve read, but there was no assault of women in the battle of Iwo Jima in the history books I have read. Did you really think people will believe this “revelation” of WWII history? Seriously, if you are going to lie, you’ve got to make it believable.

“These arrogant asses were saying stuff like “I am a killing machine!” and “F*** God!” and when the cops finally got into gear and escorted them away, “I am not leaving until they do what I say!”

What kind of person would just go to a funeral to yell obscenities at strangers? Oh yeah, that’s right! The WBC does that! Since there would be no reason for anyone to venture 2 blocks away from the ballpark, the WBC is clearly a bunch of hypocritical liars. According to this picture, the people that had to be escorted away were the members of the WBC.

“Now, don’t you have a fellow marine to rape and kill, bury under the BBQ in your back yard, and then run off to Mexico so you can avoid the death penalty?”

Dude, wrong military story. What? Do you have Alzheimer’s or something? You’re not even in the right state for that protest.

After this point, the WBC’s account of the event just drifts into one of their usual little tirades of misquoted scriptures. So I will discontinue my commentary here and just let this be the conclusion of this blog series.



Now grab your picket sign and head over to and protest the posting of this blog.




Laney said...

What are they picketing? The need to pick an idea.

Anonymous said...

Ya why did you write this?

Arpeggio Andy said...

Watch this space for more details. I should probably post the original blog entry that started it all. Sorry for the confusion. I guess these Westboro Brainless Cult entries would be tough to figure out if you joined in on the goin's on with them after the original one that you can't find here because it was actually posted at my old blog.

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